Author: Laura Dockrill
Genre: Memoir / Mental Health / Motherhood
Ideal for: New mothers, parents navigating postpartum challenges, or anyone who wants an honest, unflinching yet hopeful account of recovery from maternal mental illness.
Motherhood is often portrayed as blissful, magical, and instinctively natural. The images we see—smiling babies wrapped in pastel blankets, mothers glowing with joy—rarely show the complexity, the struggle, or the terrifying shadows that can follow birth. In What Have I Done?, Laura Dockrill shatters that illusion and replaces it with something far more important: the truth.
This is not just a memoir—it’s a lifeline. Laura writes with unfiltered honesty about her descent into postpartum psychosis after the birth of her son, and the long, painful journey back to herself. It’s raw, heartbreaking, funny, and ultimately healing. Most of all, it’s necessary. For every parent who has felt “other” for not fitting into the picture-perfect ideal of new motherhood, this book is a reminder that they are not alone.
The Story Laura Tells
At its core, What Have I Done? is Laura Dockrill’s personal account of becoming a mother and then being pulled into one of the most frightening experiences a parent can face: postpartum psychosis. This condition, though rare, is severe, and Laura spares nothing in describing the disorientation, paranoia, and terror she endured.
What makes her narrative so powerful is the juxtaposition between the ordinary and the extraordinary. One moment, she’s describing the everyday rhythms of caring for a newborn; the next, she’s detailing how her mind was unraveling in ways she couldn’t control. She lets us see the cracks forming, the fear mounting, and the helplessness of being trapped in her own thoughts.
But Laura also takes us beyond the crisis. She writes about therapy, medication, the slow rebuilding of her sense of self, and the importance of love—love for her son, her partner, her family, and eventually, herself.
Honesty Without Apology
One of the book’s greatest strengths is its unapologetic honesty. Dockrill doesn’t sugarcoat the chaos of postpartum life, nor does she sanitise her struggles for the sake of making readers comfortable. She is brutally open about the shame, the intrusive thoughts, and the feeling of being a “bad mother.”
Yet somehow, she manages to inject humour and warmth into even the darkest chapters. That’s part of her brilliance—she’s a writer who knows how to balance devastation with levity. The result is a book that feels not only truthful but also deeply human.
This is not a clinical case study; it’s the lived experience of a woman who has fought through the storm and come out the other side. And by sharing it, she gives language to what so many mothers may feel but are too afraid to voice.
A Book About Motherhood, But Also About Recovery
Though the book centers on postpartum psychosis, its themes are universal. It’s about resilience, about finding a way back to yourself after trauma, and about refusing to be defined by your darkest moments.
The title—What Have I Done?—captures both the guilt of maternal mental illness and the strength of hindsight. At first, it echoes the panicked thoughts of a new mother in crisis. But by the end, it feels more like a statement of triumph: look at what I have survived, and look at who I have become.
Reading it, you realise that this is not just Laura’s story. It’s a story for anyone who has ever felt broken and wondered if they could be whole again.
Why It Matters
We don’t talk enough about maternal mental health. Postpartum depression has entered public conversation more in recent years, but postpartum psychosis remains deeply stigmatised and often misunderstood. Laura’s memoir brings it into the light in a way that is accessible, empathetic, and impossible to ignore.
By sharing her story, she chips away at the shame that keeps so many silent. And that silence can be dangerous. Too many parents suffer alone because they believe they are failing at motherhood, when in reality, they are experiencing an illness that deserves compassion and treatment.
This book could save lives—not just by raising awareness, but by giving suffering mothers permission to ask for help.
Style and Accessibility
Laura Dockrill is, at heart, a storyteller. Her prose is conversational and intimate, like listening to a friend spill her soul over coffee. She doesn’t weigh the book down with medical jargon or clinical detail. Instead, she writes with emotion and candor, letting the reader feel the whirlwind alongside her.
There are passages that are deeply poetic, others that are laugh-out-loud funny, and some that are brutally painful. This balance makes the book not only readable but also unforgettable.
Who Should Read This Book?
New or expectant mothers who want an honest account of the postpartum experience beyond the Instagram gloss. Partners, families, and friends who want to better understand and support loved ones going through maternal mental health struggles. Healthcare professionals who work with new parents—this book is an invaluable window into the patient’s perspective. Anyone who has ever struggled with mental health and wants a story of survival, courage, and recovery.
Even if you’re not a parent, Laura’s memoir resonates because it’s ultimately about being human—vulnerable, imperfect, and resilient.
Highly recommended if you liked:
- Good Morning, Monster by Catherine Gildiner
- Matrescence by Lucy Jones
- Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb
Final Thoughts
What Have I Done? is more than a book—it’s a beacon. It’s a voice in the dark saying, me too. It’s a reminder that even in the depths of despair, healing is possible.
Laura Dockrill has taken one of the most terrifying experiences of her life and turned it into something beautiful: a memoir that will help others feel seen, understood, and less alone. Her writing is fearless, compassionate, and—despite everything—hopeful.
Five stars doesn’t feel like enough. This is the kind of book that stays with you long after you finish it. Not because it’s easy to read, but because it’s true.
